The following gems were picked up over the years by English teachers around the world.
The interesting thing is that if you look at them, often they make profound sense in a strange way. Comments like When I grow up I’d like to be a kindergardener do somehow ring true.
Anyway, if you have any bloopers of your own you’d like to share, please do get in touch and either email them to us at firstname.lastname@example.org or use the discussion box at the bottom of the page to add your own.
- When you go to Britain, do be punctuating. British people place considerable value on punctuality.
- During a discussion a young Japanese student was asked if they still had capital punishment in Japan, to which she replied “Yes, we still have death by hangover.”
- Where can I go hor-riding? [thinking hor was the singular of horse]
- In the summer I like lying on the bitch.
- T: Would you like to go to Australia one day?
S: I think one day would be too short.
- At the end of a conversation lesson the student said to the teacher “Thank you for doing intercourse with us.”
- During an “in a restaurant” role play, a student said, “I’d like soup and then I’d like to be followed by a chicken.”
- I picked up my guts and asked her out.
- After working all day I went to my girlfriend’s house for releasing on the sofa and watching TV.
- If you want to call your girlfriend from a public phone, you put a coin in slut and dial.
- It’s fun going shopping and speaking to all the sailors.
- I like travelling by train because you can stick your head out of the window and use the toilet as much as you like.
- I went into the field and raped a horse.
- When I grow up I want to be a window.
- I want to go to technical school to be a refrigerator.
- Me: And what will you do when you finish your studies in Theology?
Student: I will open a fish market.
- Me: Which country would you like to visit in Africa?
- Rich people want poor people to finger them.
- I’d like to go to university to learn to be a kidnapper and cut little children.
- Sharks are very good for us, but they kill us.
- I like to go for a walk in the river.
- I like play computers. I like bottoms.
- Exercise keeps you wealthy.
- Me: Why is English important to you?
Student: Because I will study in Italy.
- Me: Which country would you most like to live in?
Student: Euro Disney.
- There is a problem for the woman pregnant with pollution.
- My father sells colours.
- Someone will remember you when you’re forgotten.
- Me: How long did it take for you to get here today?
Student: About 10 years.
- Surfing is very difficult because you need very strong hair.
- It’s funny to get rid of a horse.
- I would like to be a kindergarten.
- This man has blind hair.
- I would like to go to expensive restaurants because I study wood technology.
- My ambition is to be a kinder gardener.
- Would you use an inspector repellant?
And just to provide a little balance, these are problems English teachers have had themselves whilst grappling with the language of their host country.